Welcome to Christmas and the holiday season! It’s always such a great moment of anticipation to look forward to the weeks ahead, especially with the opportunity to share the experiences and joy of the season with our beloved spouse. A wise mentor once told me that some of the most difficult decisions were not between good and evil but between good and a little better (or a little more). It seems as though a “little more” ended up costing more in the long run than one would imagine. And so is the paradox with Christmas and our marriages. This incredible season of joy and celebration can be incredibly taxing and detrimental to our marriages and other vital relationships if we’re not careful. So how can we go about holiday-proofing our marriages? How can we not only survive the holidays but possibly thrive in this season?
Reality Check
So let’s be honest, the busyness of the holidays is probably one of the most significant challenges to our marriages. It’s always a considerable drain when not kept in check. Next, this is a season of giving, so being distinctly aware of and involved in being present and actively giving of ourselves, our attention, affection, and affirmation in helping others is a perfect one-two punch combination to knock us out hard. Take heart, though! Knowing up front that these particular drains (that we need to be present and busy) help us begin to rely on God to respond with the gentleness that comes from the grace we have received.
Find Comfort and Perspective in Jesus
“Look! The virgin will conceive a child!
She will give birth to a son,
and they will call him Immanuel,
which means ‘God is with us.’”Matthew 1:23 NLT
Matthew 1:23 is the powerful reminder that Jesus came to us (humanity). It’s a beautiful and comforting reminder that we are recipients of His grace and person in all things. We are reminded in Romans 5:8 that when we didn’t know we needed His redeeming love, Jesus came. When we trust in Him, Jesus pursues, communes, and loves us through the presence and power of the Holy Spirit that indwells us. He crossed through time and reality to be with us and bring us hope. So, when we struggle to be close to Him, He is already pursuing us. Jesus’ pursuit of us is a critical and lifegiving truth to lean into this holiday season. Remember, You are sought, known, loved, accepted, rescued, redeemed, and restored by Jesus. Nothing can take that away from you as a child of God through faith in Jesus, and every decision and challenge should be viewed through the lens of this love and presence. It wasn’t enough that Jesus loves us, but He CAME DOWN to BE WITH us.
This then gives us the perspective we desperately need. As we wade through the mountain of invitations, events, and celebrations, we can make decisions on what to attend and what not to attend by asking ourselves one simple question: “Will this allow me to ‘BE WITH’ the people and moments that are lifegiving or most important?” The comfort and peace of mind that can come with established priorities, and the relational joy from being actively present with your spouse and family when they need you most, are tremendous rewards for the wisdom and grace of being aligned with God’s heart.
Do the Next Right Thing
So we’ve been honest, we realigned our heart, and we also have a lens through which we can view our decisions of where to dedicate our time, energy, and focus in our marriage. What are some practical ways to make these decisions?
First, it’s calendar time.
That’s right; it’s the time-tested method of putting down all the “big rocks” and mapping out all the events, meetings, and gatherings you and your spouse will need to prepare for and be present for.
Next, declare your intentions and priorities to your spouse, and cut things out.
At first sight, the list of things may seem overwhelming, but take a moment to look at your spouse (Yes, look them straight in the eyes!) and let them know that you want to make them, their heart, and your relationship the priority this season. Ask them to do the same and then, together, cut things out. It might not be easy. It’s hard to have to say “No” to good things. However, in the end, make sure that the list is as close as possible to an ideal that helps you and your spouse affirm to each other by saying with confidence, “I feel connected to you.” You’ll need to check in with each other along the way, but you’ll want more relational deposits than withdrawals over these critical days.
PEACE and GOODWILL
As the angels sang of Jesus’s arrival in Luke 2:14, they declared the phrase “Peace on earth and goodwill toward all men.” The peace that we experience with God through faith in Christ is not just one marked by the absence of conflict. It is a SHALOM peace. It is a peace that is active to enjoy and work towards the best for those involved in the relationship. As we view our spouse through the lens and heart of Jesus, as we work our schedule together to prioritize the “BE WITH” factor with each other, and as we enjoy the fruit of connection and relational intimacy, we experience the blessings of the peace, closeness, and life-giving love that comes from God’s love for us through Jesus. Though it can be intimidating to begin this process even a few days into December, we can find motivation by simply asking ourselves and our spouses a simple question, “What will our marriage look like on December 26th?”
Move forward in love, act with courage, and holiday-proof your marriage today!
