Recently, during one of our many pandemic walks through the neighborhood, I mentioned to my husband how hard it is for moms to connect with their sons. Often, I feel like they are speaking a foreign language at me (Minecraft, Fortnite, and sports, oh my!) or that we couldn’t possibly have a single thing in common. He reminded me of a beach trip we took a few years back. Our boys were young (and exhausting) and we hauled them with us on a work trip to South Carolina for a few days. Who wouldn’t want to go to the beach, right?
We found ourselves smack dab in the middle of a predicted September hurricane headed straight for South Carolina. In between the rain storms and some college football, we raced down to the beach with the boys for some highly anticipated fun. Do you know what little boys do not want to do at the beach? Lay on a towel and read a book. In fact, they’ll downright mock you for even considering it. “Why did you bring a BOOK to the beach, MOM?” You know what they do want to do at the beach? Play. And play hard.
I distinctly remember the look on Hudson’s face when I stood up and chucked the football down the beach toward him and asked if he wanted to play. To him, it was as if a unicorn had just walked by right in front of him. “Do you even know how to throw it?” Son. Step aside.
Let me just give a side note here to say that one of my absolute favorite things to do as a parent is to shock my children. In our house, anytime I can drop some sports trivia knowledge or throw a ball of some sort, their eyes bug out. It’s one of life’s many gifts.
Hudson and I ended up playing football on that beach all afternoon until neither one of us could lift our arms anymore. He and I both remember it as “The Football Beach” because it was one of our most fun memories together. You know why it was fun? Because I played with him and had a physical connection. Webster’s Dictionary defines a connection as something that “unites or binds.” Every parent I know would agree that we want that for our families! What parent wouldn’t want to be united with their kids or have a strong bond in their family?
This isn’t going to make me any new friends, but a connection between a mother and son only happens if the mothers are willing to get up off the towel at the beach and throw the dang football. We are going to need to get up and be physical with them. How do my sons show each other they are mad? They wrestle. How do they show their love? They wrestle. How do you know they’re awake? They’re wrestling. See the theme? Boys require physical activity on a whole other level than girls. They just do. As moms, we sometimes think that we can leave all that physical stuff “for the dads to do.”
Over time, small steps toward connecting with our sons will have big dividends. When we spend time connecting, playing, and laughing with them, we are building a foundation of trust with them, brick by brick. Connection with boys comes through time. Through our time spent laughing together during their younger ages, we are sending subtle messages to them that we care. Not just because we are supposed to care for them because we’re parents, but because we genuinely like being with them as people. If my son feels connected to me while playing outside, then that’s exactly where I want to be. Even if he’s laughing at my basketball shot.
Like all things in life, I think connection is another one of those things that you’ve got to be intentional with. Relationships with our sons happen when we make a commitment to look for everyday ways to connect with them. I know I’m only 11 years into this parenting gig and things will inevitably get harder as these hooligans get older. I know that tough parenting days are ahead. If I wait until they are older and in the midst of hard life things to reach out and try to connect, it will be far too late.
Thanks to the Parent Cue app (seriously, check it out if you haven’t already!), I can already see how many weeks I have left at home with my kids. We only have 378 weeks with our oldest son under our roof until he turns 18. The time to connect is now!
“Value others more than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)
